Where Stargazing Led Me

Catherine, Maggie, and I giggled and whispered as we made our way towards the dim shadow of the hill in front of us. I've always been a bit scared of the dark, so if the two of them hadn't been with me there is no way I would've been out there, finally checking off one of the more prominent items on my bucket list.

Stargazing.

I've always loved the stars and the way they stretch across the sky in a never-ending expanse. Their beauty reminds me that God created them and me and that to Him, I am more precious than all the stars in the sky.

Although I get very attached to people, I’ve never liked being reliant on others. I’ve always wanted to be able to do things myself, my way. Then came a specific week during freshman year that I realized that sometimes we have to let other people help us. We’re not perfect and no matter how self-sufficient we think we are, we were made to rely on each other and God. 

That week was a time of great turmoil and sadness in my life even though it didn’t have to be. The pain that I experienced was wrought of my own mind. I convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough and that I was a burden and annoyance to those around me. I fell into a deep hole, so to speak, and didn't know how to get out of it. I distanced myself from my friends and family and, though I spent my lunch periods and free time in the chapel, I was hiding from the world rather than seeking God’s loving help.

To get out of that hole I had to allow the people who loved me to pull me out because on my own I could not do it. I had to abandon my pride and instead throw myself at God’s feet. 

Since then, sometimes it’s been a struggle to keep my eyes on God and not allow myself to be drawn into the anger and struggle in the world around me. As always there have been good days and bad days, but never again have I fallen prey to the darkness that encompassed me that week. Though I don't always let them know, my friends and family have become my backbone on the days when I cannot hold myself up on my own. Catherine reminds me to go to the chapel and eat, Maggie is always there with a hug, and John is always ready to make me laugh. My mom reminds me to do all the things I forget to do, my dad gives the most wonderful hugs, and my siblings are always ready to put on a performance or play with me. They are my support system and the loves of my life.

While I laid in the grass beside two of my best friends I realized how lucky I am as well as how far I've come since then. I realized how different my life could have been as well as how different my life will be as time goes on. Despite all this, I know that God will always be with me, even when my own strength fails me.

C.S Lewis said “He died not for men, but for each man. If each man had been the only man made, He would have done no less.”

Christ died for you and for me and we must live our lives in a way that radiates God's love for us. When you get a chance, look up at the stars and remind yourself that God crafted, meticulously and perfectly, each star and hung it in the sky and still you are worth more to Him than all of them combined.

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by Sarah Catherine